


Just For Now

by grimeysociety



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Cunnilingus, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Nomad Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sex Positive, Sex Work, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26043979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimeysociety/pseuds/grimeysociety
Summary: Steve is on the run when he meets Darcy, a working girl.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
Comments: 68
Kudos: 261





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of those stories I couldn't get out of my head, so you have to deal with it now.

_I can be good sometimes_  
_I'm a cheap queen_  
_I can be what you like_  
_And I can be bad sometimes_  
_I'm a real queen_  
_I can make grown men cry_  
**\- "Cheap Queen" by King Princess**

_Leave all our hopelessness's aside_  
_If just for a little while_  
**\- "Just For Now" by Frou Frou**

**i.**

Steve had stayed in worse places. He knew if he told anyone around this truck stop, they’d be inclined to disagree, but he’d stayed on forest floors in the middle of winter. He’d dealt with all types of odors and sights. This place wasn’t much better, he could admit, but at least there was coffee in abundance.

He was only going to be there another twelve hours or so, and then he’d leave for the state line tomorrow, and then the day after he’d be meeting up with Nat and Sam on an abandoned tarmac, leaving for another country entirely. It wasn’t decided yet where they’d go, if it meant going back to the hidden base at sea, or if they were needed somewhere else. Steve was trying to stop himself from thinking that far ahead, but it was in his nature to try to problem solve before anything arose. Contrary to what everyone believed, he wasn’t entirely spontaneous.

Tonight made that assumption a little screwy. He kept finding the same woman milling around outside and he hadn’t decided yet whether to investigate. One might assume at first glance that he decided on the spot to speak to her. She came into the coffee shop ten minutes after he spotted her hopping into a truck that pulled out of the parking spaces out back. He hadn’t expected to see her again. He hadn’t taken much note of her, since he wasn’t meant to be noticeable himself.

She gave him a half glance as she walked in, ordering a cup of coffee as she sat at the counter between one trucker and Steve. She downed her cup in three swift gulps and departed, throwing down a few coins in her haste.

It took Steve another two minutes to realize what was blatantly obvious – she was a working girl. She walked back over to the line of trucks, hitching her backpack on one shoulder, placing a hand on one wide hip, her other hand in her hair to push it out of her heart-shaped face. She was very pretty, in a way that didn’t threaten anyone, which Steve supposed was a good thing. She could fly under the radar if she chose. He picked up his coffee and drained it, wondering if he should order something to go. He hadn’t found a hotel yet for the night, and the only one he’d seen was a few miles back.

The summer night made him irritable, the sweat on the back of his neck constant. He took off his cap and pushed his hair back once more, wondering if he should finally cut it. Nat always told him not to when his urge arose. All she had to do was see him sigh as he wiped sweat away and she’d shake her head at him with a knowing smile. It was easy for her, she’d chopped off all her red locks and dyed her hair silver. Steve had grown a beard and his hair, the longest he’d ever had it. He didn’t know how Bucky ever managed it…

He put his cap back on, looking at the spinning display of desserts down the line of the counter, and he nodded at the waitress that glanced his way.

“Could I get a piece of pie? The… apple one,” he said, and he thought of Tony and how he’d probably make some wisecrack about Steve’s patriotism, but every time Steve thought of Tony those days, his stomach would sink like a stone.

Reminded of that pain, he tucked into the pie that was placed in front of him, his eyes swinging away toward the windows again. He could make out the woman from before, seeing her try to follow a trucker back to his vehicle. He put up his hands and she stopped, grinning after him, something said. She looked like she was trying to goad him, by the nervous smirk on the guy's face as he backed away, and once he disappeared in his truck she turned her heel, slumping a little.

Steve wondered if she was making enough to make ends meet. He tried not to think ahead, but he was throwing down notes on the table and leaving before he’d finished his pie, his heart too in it to make him backpedal.

He wasn’t meant to interact with anyone. It was rule number one, and he was the one who wrote them, enforced them for the others. Goddamn it, he was going to break the rules for this complete stranger.

He ducked outside, walking out to the back, seeing the woman walking slowly back and forth. She went still when she noticed him staring after her, before adopting that carefree stance he witnessed through the window earlier. She dropped one gorgeous hip and curled her lips in a half-smile.

“Hey, we’ve gotta stop meeting like this,” she said, walking straight up to him.

So maybe she’d seen him better than he realized. She wouldn’t be a half bad spy, if she didn’t mind all the death involved. She seemed strong as nails, to do this at all.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Steve said.

His hands were on his hips, watching her tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, her eyes looking around.

“You need a lift?” he said, and their eyes met once more. When she didn’t answer straight away, he added, “You got some place to stay?”

“The hotel back that way,” she said, pointing in the direction Steve came from. “The taps leak and the cable’s fuzzy, but I can get a decent sleep.”

Steve couldn’t help smiling a little when she added with a wink:

“And the bedbugs aren’t too bad.”

“Okay, so let’s go,” he said, and she kept still as he took a step backwards.

She was hesitating, and he stopped, waiting for her to say something with clarity.

“I’m not free.”

“I know,” he said. “I got money –”

“Do I know you?” she cut in, and Steve felt his stomach twist, snapping his mouth shut. “I just… you seem like someone I’ve seen before.”

“I don’t think so,” he said, making sure he didn’t avert his gaze and give himself away.

“Cause you really seem like someone I’d remember if I had,” she said.

It occurred to him that she was flirting with him, and he ducked his head finally, letting out a breath of a laugh.

“Uh, you want that lift?” he said eventually, daring to look her in the eye, and she smirked at how the heat had actually risen in his cheeks.

She nodded, following after him when he turned his heel to walk toward the car he parked to the side of the coffee shop. He stole it a couple states over, and his suit was in the trunk. It wasn’t the best car for long journeys since the AC was temperamental, but it did the job. It was an old Toyota something and the girl seemed fine with it, opening the passenger’s seat to slip inside.

Steve ducked into the driver’s seat, putting the keys in the ignition, his eyes meeting hers once more.

“You got a name?” she asked.

“Do you?”

“Darcy,” she replied.

Steve wasn’t sure if it was her name or someone else’s, because she said it with such fluency. She waited, a brow lifting.

“Grant,” Steve said. It was one of his names.

He knew he wouldn’t be the first man to lie to her. He was already putting too many people in danger by speaking to her in the first place, and it would be another dumb idea entirely to tell her his first name.

He started the car as Darcy put her seat belt on. He reversed out of his park and they took off. She leaned forward to play with the radio as they turned onto the main road, and Steve felt at ease with her. She had an ability to make herself at home quickly as they drove in relative silence.

By the time they reached the hotel parking lot, she was humming along to a tune Steve didn’t know, and once the car reached a crawl to stop by the reception building, she fell silent once more.

Steve turned to her in his seat.

“You don’t have to come with me, I can get you a room by yourself.”

“Is that really why you took me all this way?” she murmured, and he was surprised she was so honest once more. “Because you feel sorry for me?”

He didn’t pity her. He wanted to help. He could see why she’d be suspicious of his motives. He wasn’t minding his own business either way.

“I don’t,” he said, and she stared at him, as if to make him concede otherwise. “It’s fine. Whatever you have to do, it’s fine.”

“Thanks, hon,” she murmured dryly, and he smirked, unable to stop himself. She dropped her voice. “So you weren’t checking me out at the coffee shop before?”

He felt himself blush but he changed tactic.

“You didn’t check me out?”

She began to laugh, surprised, and she crossed her arms, tilting her head back. She looked toward the hotel, shaking her head a little before her laugh died down.

“I might actually believe that you’re a nice guy,” she murmured. “You seem earnest enough. At least you’re not like the guy from last night.”

Steve’s curiosity got the better of him.

“What happened?”

“He only whipped out a bible after he handed me my money. Talked about how I was going to Hell and he was worried about my eternal soul,” she muttered. Her smile fell. “I told him I wasn’t going to Hell for sex work, that’s for sure.”

They lapsed into silence and Steve thought about handing her some notes and saying goodnight, but she cut through his mind’s eye, pulling him back from the thought of lying on his back on another crappy hotel mattress with the leaking faucets keeping him awake.

“So you must be scared for me.”

“A little,” Steve admitted.

She tilted her head. “I’m not saying this is ideal. No girl wants to live like this. Not really.”

He wanted to know how she got there, how she’d learned to survive this way. He also knew it wasn’t his business, it wasn’t his place to judge, either.

He’d known some girls of the chorus that slept with soldiers for things like nylons, cigarettes and chocolate. Some went on dates to get a decent meal. Steve drew dirty pictures when he was in art school for cash. There wasn’t much difference in it when everyone knew sex sells.

“You _do_ worry about me,” she said, and Steve must have shown too much on his face. “I’m doing better than last month. Next month might be worse. I’m still trying to get jobs in other places.”

Steve swallowed, nodding. “You trying to leave here?”

“Can’t afford it,” she said instantly, and Steve shook his head.

“Let me drive you, wherever you need to go.”

She frowned. “Now how is that not you feeling sorry for me?”

“I’m just trying to do the right thing,” he retorted, and she let out a half-chuckle, looking away. “I’m doing the same as anyone else –”

“No, sweetie, you’re not typical,” she said, and he went quiet. “And I don’t want you going out of your way to try to… save me or something.”

When he opened his mouth to argue, she rose her brows, and he sighed.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

He stepped out of the car, lingering by his door, and she eventually got out, hitching her backpack on one shoulder.

“Let’s get one room,” she said, and Steve felt his stomach flip.

“Yeah.”

She took off, and he followed after he grabbed a bag from the back seat. The woman at the counter had no issue with Steve paying in cash. He didn’t want to think about the types of people she contended with, since she was packing heat and not making a move to hide it, her shotgun resting in her lap as she counted the notes Steve handed her.

Their room was around the corner and they walked together, past rooms with blaring TVs, the vending machine buzzing that Steve gave a quick once-over. There was an ice machine leaking water on the ground floor and Steve tread through the puddle, his eyes slipping up to Darcy’s rear.

She was wearing a pair of denim shorts, a fair portion of her thighs exposed in the half-light. He felt desire hit him without the barrier of the coffee shop window.

She was his type, proportions-wise. She was curvy and commanding, and ordinarily he’d steer clear of someone he wanted, but she was right there, and he wasn’t himself. The point was that he wasn’t the same as a few months ago, when he’d first run away from the world. It made things that much clearer, his heartbeat picking up speed when they reached their room, number 23.

He half convinced himself in the three seconds it took for her to stick the key in and unlock the door that he could possibly sleep on the floor, Darcy on the bed, and he’d drive her to the next town in the morning. He wouldn’t touch her –

He immediately touched her when the door shut behind him, grabbing her by the wrist to turn her around, and she was pulled into his chest, her hips bumping his.

Her eyes searched his face and she gave a little smile, the gap between her front teeth showing.

His eyes fell to her full lips and he leaned down, sealing his mouth over hers in a slow kiss, closing his eyes as his hands went to her slender waist. She touched the side of his face with her hand, fingers threading through Steve’s beard as he deepened the kiss with a glide of his tongue into her mouth.

She took a deep breath through her nose, both hands clasping his face now, giving him back what he gave, and he swallowed her moan as he poured everything into each kiss. He pulled back for her sake, pressing his forehead to hers and she panted.

“I’ll shower, okay? After you,” she whispered, and he nodded.

He could feel he was hard and when he left to slip into the bathroom, his hand fell to his crotch for a second to confirm it – he’d apparently been that frustrated for so long that it only took a few hurried kisses with a stranger to get him flustered. He had a quick scrub in the shower, catching himself in the cracked mirror before he glanced away, a guilt beginning to rise.

She pushed into the bathroom before he was done, giving him a little smile as he left her in there, and the guilt began to disappear.

She left her backpack on the bed, and he thought about putting all his cash in it then, but he chose to not touch her belongings. It felt like a violation, so he sat on the edge of the bed and waited for her, flipping the TV on.

There was a Western playing and he didn’t recognize it, since the picture wasn’t reliable. The fuzzy blobs moved across the screen, gunshots ringing out, and he squinted at it to try to make out the plot, but his heart wasn’t in it.

Darcy slipped out a few minutes later, and Steve’s eyes darted to her emerging from the bathroom, wearing nothing but her towel.

She looked smaller, and he realized she’d kicked off her shoes. She was shorter, glowing from her shower, the ends of her hair damp. Instead of waiting for her to reach him, he moved toward her, falling to his knees, his hands easing the towel open.

He kept his eyes fixed on hers, and he saw hers widen ever so slightly. He’d surprised her. His mouth slanted over hers as the towel fell away and her breath hitched.

The TV filled the silence as Steve kissed her with the thoroughness she deserved. She looked so beautiful under the harsh light of the cheap hotel room. His hands were everywhere, stroking her sides and back, his thumb rubbing up one breast and over her hard nipple, his other hand slipping down to grab a handful of her rear.

He finally looked down, at the little triangle of dark hair between her legs and he ducked his head, eyes meeting hers as he moved between her thighs, testing the waters with a brush of his fingertips.

“This okay?” he whispered, and she nodded, transfixed as he sealed his mouth over the cut of her.

She tasted like –

God, she tasted like something he’d missed. He’d denied himself this type of touch for so long, it was insane that he’d neglected this part of him. He wanted to make love with his mouth, what was wrong with that? Absolutely nothing, at least not to Darcy, her eyes falling shut as she shuddered, Steve’s tongue pressing up inside her.

Her hand threaded through his hair and pulled, and he only remembered then that his filthy hat was thrown aside in the bathroom. He felt his scalp tingle and he let out a groan, reveling in the silky, wet feel of her on his fingers and tongue, the way she dripped when he pulled back for air. She was smeared in his beard and he’d smell of her for hours.

He dove back in for more, Darcy’s soft laugh filling his ears, and he reached a hand up to grip her ass, to tell her he liked the sound.

She didn’t know him and after tonight he’d never see her again, but he hoped she was happy. He knew he wouldn’t make much difference in her life, but he wished he could make her happy somehow.

She gave a louder moan when he sucked her clit into his mouth, flicking his tongue as he watched her face. She seemed to fight with the feeling as he kept it up, determined to treat her right, and she gave a short huff, her hand and whole body beginning to shake.

She was like a dream when she came, a whole-body blusher, sucking in a breath as she came back down, tugging Steve by the hair to pull him up. She pushed him toward the bed, the pair of them tumbling down.

Steve rolled them so she was under him and she reached out behind her for her backpack, retrieving a condom from a pocket, her mouth at his throat. He stared at the condom lying on the bedspread, feeling her hands come between them and shuck down his pants and underwear, her fingers then wrapping around his shaft and stroking him with a twist at the end.

He took her by the jaw and kissed her hard, moaning with her as they tussled, and then he was turning her over, kissing her neck and shoulder as he took off his clothes lightning fast, plucking the condom from the bed to unwrap it.

They were utterly silent when he first pushed inside her, taking a few short thrusts to bottom out, his hips pushing into her bare ass. He went still, stroking her back, letting himself feel how warm and tight she felt around him.

He felt her hand reach out and stroke over his hip, encouraging him to move and he complied with a little roll, groaning at the sensation.

He was shallow at first, unsure of himself, because he didn’t want it to be over too soon. He turned Darcy by the chin so he could kiss her mouth, everything a little rushed and clumsy, but it was enough for him to break free, pulling back to slam into her.

“Fuck,” she gasped, and he felt her grip him harder.

He went deeper, feeling himself grow taut all over, as Darcy moaned beneath him. Her body jiggled with each thrust of him into her. He could hear their bodies sliding together, could feel how warm the room got with the two of them rutting. She pushed back with each slam of his hips, and he’d missed this, getting lost in someone.

She surprised him, taking his hands and placing one on her breast, putting the fingers of his other hand close to her mouth, before sucking two of his fingers between her plush lips.

It was like a magic trick and Steve sped up, wanting to bury himself inside her, wanting to remember this even if it wasn’t meant to be special. His body had needed this, was it a crime that his heart had craved affection, too, even if it was fleeting?

He came with a shudder, managing to not collapse on top of her in the process, but just barely. He waited for the world to right itself, pulling away from her and tugging off the condom to tie it off. He used the last of his strength to throw it into the trash in the bathroom, Darcy slipping past him and closing the door when he was on his way out.

He lay on his back in bed under the covers, passing a hand over his face. When she returned, he felt his stomach flip. He didn’t want her to leave, and he tried to not show his relief when she slipped in beside him, facing him as she lay on her side.

“That caught me a little off-guard,” she whispered.

Steve mirrored her, frowning a little. He reached for her, stroking her face with his knuckles.

“How come?”

“Guys don’t go down on me, usually,” she said.

“Oh,” he said. “I… wanted to.”

“Clearly,” she said, eyes widening briefly before she cracked a smile.

She crowded him, burying her face in his chest, a soft giggle escaping.

“You’re really hot,” she mumbled, and when she drew back to look him in the eye, Steve could see she was blushing. “It’s… _stupid_ how good-looking you are.”

Steve didn’t know what to say except:

“You’re beautiful.”

After a few moments of only staring at each other, the TV filling the gaps, Darcy asked:

“Are you married?”

Steve shook his head silently.

“Really? Divorced?”

“No.”

“You’ve never been married? Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No,” he murmured. He stroked her face with his thumb now, over her cheekbone.

She seemed to believe him, but she shook her head, scanning his face.

“I don’t get it…”

He kissed her then, and she went quiet once more, his hands deep in her hair.

-

He woke the next morning and found her dressed and waiting for him. He’d slept all through the night. He hadn’t done that in years.

He rubbed his eyes as he sat up, their eyes meeting. She was watching a Bugs Bunny cartoon and grinned at him, lifting a can of coke to sip it.

“You ready to go?” he murmured, stroking a hand over her arm, and she nodded.

They drove for half an hour, and he stopped at a bus station in the town they reached, parking on the side of the road. They were there early enough for the stores to not be open, the streets virtually empty. Darcy stayed in her seat, leaning toward him and grabbing hold of his face to kiss him on the mouth. When she pulled back, she ran her thumb over his lower lip.

“Stay safe, okay?” she said to him, and he nodded.

“How much I owe you?”

She grinned. “You’re already so damn charming when you go down on me…”

He lay a hand over hers. “I’m serious.”

She nodded, conceding. He pulled away to take out his wallet and opened it, seeing more cash than he ever needed, and he took it all out, hearing her protest, but he ignored her, pushing the stack into her little hand and curling her fingers over it.

“Take it. You need it, Darcy.”

She went quiet for a few seconds before muttering:

“Okay, I’m not dumb enough to turn this down…”

She tucked it in her bag, turning back to him, their eyes meeting.

“What’s your name?”

He kept his eyes steadily on hers, swallowing.

“It’s Steve.”

She leaned in to give him a kiss, lingering and tender, and Steve felt his heart squeeze in his chest despite what his mind was telling him – let her go, don’t make a fool of yourself.

To his surprise, she took out a pen, grabbing his hand.

She jotted down a number along his palm.

“Call me.”

One last kiss, shorter. A breath later, she ducked out of the car and out of sight.

Steve held his breath as he watched her go, putting a hand over his eyes as he finally exhaled, alone.


	2. ii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I don't know how to talk about this without being super dramatic, but I will _never_ be over these two. Ever.

_Hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when --_   
**\- "Black Sheep" by Metric**

_How was I to guess_   
_I'd still be on your mind?_   
_Enough to bring you here_   
_And prove I wasn't right_   
**\- "See You Again" by Elle King**

_So, soldier_   
_You've been hiding that secret under your shirt collar_   
_You both breathe easy_   
**\- "So Soldier" by #1 Dads**

**ii.**

The glass doors to the labs were propped open with a couple cardboard boxes full of cables, and it made all the more sense to Steve when he saw the amount of people coming in and out, new faces he’d never seen before. Some went pink-cheeked at the sight of him, recognizing him, some of them turning speechless and gaping.

Steve never got used to it, or enjoyed it at all, being famous. He ducked his head, putting up a hand when people passed through. He waited until there was a clearing and he moved past the doorway finally, walking over to the figure of Jane Foster standing at her desk.

“Hi,” she said, flashing a smile. “Didn’t think you’d show up here.”

They hadn’t officially met, but they both seemed to know one another. Steve offered his hand to Jane and she took it to shake. She’d been gone because of the Blip, and it was her first week back as a consultant for SHIELD.

“Thought I’d come say hello,” he said, and Jane beamed again.

He didn’t have to say it, they were mutual acquaintances through several links. She’d be taking over for a lot of the R&D Tony once did at the Tower. If Steve could make the transition any easier somehow, he would, but he was mindful of how Jane probably had everything under control already. He was probably sticking his nose in business he didn’t know enough about, as usual. He could still remember the looks Tony or Bruce would give him – _don’t wear yourself out, Cap, we got this_. Steve’s eyes darted to the back of someone else, who was bending at the waist to put something in a cupboard.

“Darcy,” Jane called.

Time stretched as Steve’s memory of that night years ago came flooding back. He could still smell the particularly dusty carpet of that cheap hotel room, he could still hear the trucks driving by.

The woman stood and turned, and it felt as if Steve’s stomach might drop out of him. He stared at her, recognizing her face as the same Darcy from that night – and he went still, knowing his eyes had grown wider, his cheeks flushing.

She looked similarly affected, blinking up at him, before something clicked into place and she stepped toward him, putting out a hand.

“Darcy,” she said, and he could see she was trying not to grin as wide as Jane, a hint of irony on her face. She was better at this than him, because Steve was stumbling his words when he remembered he needed to speak.

“It-it’s Steve,” he said, taking her hand to shake it, quickly ridding himself of the feel of her skin on his, scratching the back of his head, his other hand deep in the back pocket of his slacks. “Good to meet you both.”

On his way back out, he heard Jane murmur her confusion:

“That was weird, right?”

“Yeah…”

Darcy sounded as if she was smirking to herself, but he didn’t dare turn back to see her face. He jabbed the button for the elevator, playing it back again and again.

He was _sweating_.

It had to be her. He recognized those eyes, that voice. She was too distinct to not be the same Darcy, it was too big of a coincidence. Steve didn’t believe in those as often those days. For a second, he considered that maybe she’d been on Ross’ books, keeping tabs on Steve, but that didn’t pan out the longer he thought it out. She could have rendered him unconscious to be captured many times in the hours they spent together.

 _You stupid prick_ , he thought, sighing in the privacy of the elevator car as he ascended. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

It was too late to regret anything that happened. It’s what he wanted at the time. He kept telling himself that throughout the rest of the day, unable to keep himself in the present for too long. He couldn’t focus, not once the guilt began to set in.

-

He dreamed of her, breathing with a rattle in his chest, her big blue eyes staring back at him under the covers of those scratchy hotel sheets. There wasn’t much else to it, except how hurt she seemed, her full lips pressed together, her gaze consuming yet cold. She rolled over, her bare back to him, and Steve’s hands were tiny, his arms like sticks as he tried and failed to turn her back around to face him.

He woke in the middle of the night, hearing the world outside, Brooklyn still alive despite it all. He still wasn’t used to it, the noise that came back after years of the silence.

-

She was easy to find a couple days later, when he decided to do the right thing and talk to her, their eyes meeting across the lab floor in the afternoon. An intern was directed to pick something up, Darcy’s finger pointing for them to pack it away with another stack in a cupboard on the other side of a long desk, but Darcy’s eyes were still trained on him.

He hadn’t imagined that she recognised him, too, then.

She walked up to him, after she told Jane she was going for a walk and she’d be back soon. Jane was distracted enough not to care too much, giving her a little wave without looking up from her paper. She was already neck-deep in Pym Particles, according to rumors around the Tower. Steve overheard too much, his ears too sensitive as always.

Darcy fell into step beside him, and Steve felt an awkwardness set in as they were alone in the hallway outside, the noises from within the labs overlapping.

“Steve?” she asked, and his name on her lips had a different connotation, if he wasn’t mistaken, and he seriously doubted that by the glint in her eye. “Something on your mind?”

He stopped suddenly, Darcy doing the same. They were facing each other, Darcy’s brows lifting ever so slightly. His hands were in his pockets as hers were crossed over her chest, her hip dropping.

“I feel like I should explain –”

“Explain,” she repeated, biting her lip.

“Apologize,” he amended, dropping his voice further.

“You don’t have to worry – I’m not gonna _tell_ anyone,” she said, the spell finally breaking.

Steve was never one to dwell inside a euphemism and thrive, exactly. Not when it came to women, at least. He’d turn too dry and it got less fun too fast.

She gave a little smirk.

“Although, when you showed up the other day, you didn’t deserve much sympathy,” she added.

He wasn’t used to this, seeing someone after he’d slept with them. He knew it said a lot about him, things he didn’t want to examine too closely. Darcy seemed to have all the time in the world to do that now, by how she was staring back at him, waiting.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry I didn’t call.”

Her smirk faltered and she shrugged, as if she hadn’t been waiting for him to say it, but Steve could see she had. The words hadn’t given her the relief she wanted, it seemed.

“I thought you were gonna apologize for paying for sex,” she retorted, and it was Steve’s turn to raise his brows.

He knew it complicated things, working in the same circles with this shared past, but as he’d told himself many times before – there was no sense in regretting something he’d wanted at the time. Something he’d wanted and enjoyed, quite a bit, if he was honest.

“No,” he murmured.

They stared at one another for a few moments of silence, a bang echoing from the labs, Darcy’s head whipping toward the sound. Steve glanced at the column of her neck, the soft skin there he remembered brushing his nose against. He stared at the spot, until she turned her eyes back to his, her face slackening.

“I should get back.”

“Yeah.”

When she took a step, he spoke before he thought, which was always a bad idea.

“I didn’t call you because I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

She went still, her eyes shifting back to his.

“And then Thanos happened, and –”

“I wasn’t around,” she cut in. “In case you were gonna ask. I dusted.”

“Right,” he murmured, looking away.

She left him there and he gave a little sigh, not really sure how he expected that conversation to go in the first place.

-

He only worked part-time those days, helping train recruits a couple days a week, the shield sitting in Sam’s apartment now. He was more than ready when Steve offered it weeks ago, and he was the only one he wanted to give it to. Bucky was living in the city and Steve was back and forth from Brooklyn to Manhattan and the facility upstate once it was rebuilt.

It was easy to avoid Darcy for a little while without trying. She was busy with Jane, busy in her own little bubble he didn’t dare approach.

He almost got away with it, until one warm night at the new facility, when he was drinking a beer on a back porch, staring out at the long field where the grass hadn’t regrown yet, where they hadn’t laid new turf, either. There was an endless expanse of dirt and craters and all Steve could think of was limping towards that long line of Thanos’ army, alone.

“Hey.”

He turned his head, knowing her voice, and she’d appeared at his side, looking different from the last time they spoke, worn around the edges.

“Hey,” he replied.

He was relieved to see her, and he hadn’t realized that would be the case. He’d missed her, and the longing inside him came to the front, gripping his chest as she walked toward him, stopping at his side.

“It’s two in the morning,” he murmured.

Her lips quirked, her eyes skyward.

“When’d you get here?” he asked, when she said nothing.

He wanted to know everything about her, he wanted to be next to her – Jesus, he was alone. Even with all these people back, surrounding him, he was desperately lonely, and when she was by his side, he remembered that. The same thing happened when he saw Peggy through that window in 1970, his heart heavy as lead, everything too devastating to properly name.

“This afternoon,” she murmured, her eyes meeting his. “Jane had meetings.”

He was staring at her, their eyes meeting more than once, but she was smiling at him, not putting up some type of wall like last time.

Steve ducked his eyes to the ground, putting his bottle to his lips for a short sip to fill the silence. Darcy let out a breath of a laugh and his eyes snapped to hers.

“I… I’m not young anymore,” she whispered. She was smiling but she sounded sad. “Or not as young. I don’t know when it happened, but…”

Steve knew how she felt. It happened at some point between the War and now, but it was hard to determine an exact point. He stopped seeing an endless stretch of possibilities ahead of him.

“You’re still young,” he murmured, and she shot him a look, scoffing.

“I’m technically in my thirties now, and the interns are all babies,” she said, and Steve felt himself smirk. “I know I’m not middle-aged, but… I’m more tired, I guess.”

He watched her look up at the stars again, drawing in a breath, and he saw her chest rise and fall as another thought passed over her face. She swallowed, her voice changing.

“You’re wondering how I got in that situation,” she said, not looking his way.

“I don’t judge you for it –”

“But you’re curious,” she said. “Since I knew Jane.”

He couldn’t deny his mind had gone there many times, trying to paint some picture long before he knew she had anything to do with Jane or Thor, the world of gods and monsters.

She took another deep breath.

“I always worked, even when I was broke,” she began. “It happened one night after I was fired from a bar. They weren’t able to give me more shifts, and I was gonna fuck up my credit…”

She rolled her eyes.

“And I hitched a ride the night I was fired, and the guy said I was beautiful, so I went for it,” she said. “I mean, not my smartest idea. Not the safest vocation…”

Her sentence fell away and she shrugged a shoulder.

“I got to Norway with the cash you gave me,” she said, and Steve felt his stomach flip when she looked back at him once more. “I sort of hoped you’d call, so I could say thanks.”

He felt a lurch of something, a desire, something he didn’t dare name in case he fell apart. He stayed silent, watching Darcy waiting for him to speak, before she slumped a little, giving a knowing smile.

“I slept with you before you paid, y’know?” she said. “I don’t know if you remember that –”

“I remember everything,” he said, and Darcy stopped mid-sentence.

She wasn’t his to look at the way he was, and he needed to let her be. He drained what was left of his beer, glancing back at the building behind them.

“I’ll see you around,” he said, and she nodded, turning away from him.

-

It didn’t work, pushing her away. She kept showing up, not on purpose. Steve would train some kids in the field and she’d be in the background walking between the buildings. He’d be in the Tower foyer on his way to visit Bucky and Sam and she’d be on her way out.

He tried to remain a passing ship, never lingering long enough to damage himself further. He didn’t like how romantic he still was, despite every instance of love not working out for him. He’d paid to sleep with her the first time, for Christ’s sake.

Yet every time he tried to cheapen it, the devious, hopeful little voice cropped up, destroying every chance he had against her.

_You look for her. You wanted her then, and you still want her now._

He went to a team party, and she was there with Jane, drinking something from a cup, wearing a plain black t-shirt and matching leggings. He thought about leaving, Darcy being some type of marker for the rest of his night going to shit, but he moved toward her instead, and she was smiling at him in such a way that almost hurt him.

He didn’t know how to tell her how sorry he truly was, because words didn’t seem like enough. He didn’t know how to tell her how he wasn’t equipped for this, he wasn’t the type to do well in any relationship. He didn’t know how to be friends, either, without wanting to hold her forever.

He could roll his eyes at himself. He should – he didn’t belong with her, and he was making it all so complicated, when he hadn’t even heard what her opinion was. His inner turmoil could all be for nothing.

He sat beside her at a table, sharing tortilla chips and salsa with the others – Sam, Jane and Wanda were all laughing and talking, voices from the rest of the party overlapping with the music blasting from the speakers near the bar.

He felt the hairs stand up at the back of his neck when Darcy’s hand slid over his thigh under the table, the intention undeniable. She was busy talking to Sam across the table, everyone oblivious to what was happening, Steve’s drink at his lips as he took a steady sip.

He swallowed. The devious voice came back, goading him, so he kept his eyes elsewhere as his spare hand slipped between them, coming to settle on Darcy’s thigh, higher than hers had been on him.

He gave a gentle squeeze, enough to tell her what he wanted.

“I’m gonna go,” he said, and Wanda made a long groan, rolling her eyes.

It happened every time he hung out with them outside of work, so it wasn’t a surprise that he was leaving early. He got up from the table, offering a hand to Sam and kissed Wanda’s cheek as they stood. Jane and Darcy followed.

He leaned forward, kissing Darcy on the side of her face, his hand on her lower back, fingers splayed just above her ass, and he pulled back just as fast, reaching to shake Jane’s hand.

He walked out of the party, desire stirring in his guts as he played it back, how it felt to see her eyes change at the sight of him dipping down and kissing her without warning.

She took only another minute to follow him out, and he tugged her into the elevator, backing her into the wall once he reached for a button to his floor.

“Think that’s funny?” she whispered, and he stared at her mouth, the wet gloss she’d put there.

It had flecks of gold and smelt vaguely of strawberries.

“Yes,” he said, and he lunged for her, an open-mouthed kiss between them.

She tasted of vodka and lemonade, her breath hitching as he shoved her against the wall, her arms wrapping around his neck, his hands on either side of her face.

They kissed until they reached his floor, and he pulled her into his suite, kicking the door shut behind them, his hands dropping down to pick her up, her thighs wrapping around his middle.

He shoved her into the wall, too, pushing her up it as he kissed her, made it clear he wanted her to be his. She broke away, panting as their lips bumped, her eyes hooded with lust.

“This feels like the first time,” she whispered, and he knew what she meant.

He was so desperate then, and now he’d had years without her and it was still the same.

“I’m sorry I never called,” he whispered, and she touched his face with a hand, stroking his face.

She kissed him, thorough and heady, sucking his lips and tongue, making him groan, pushing back against her, until he was pressing kisses to her face and throat, latching onto her pulse point and sucking, Darcy’s hips rolling as best they could against Steve’s bulk.

She was still pinned to the wall, her hands deep in his hair as she let out a little whimper like a secret, a new sound he hadn’t heard the last time.

He pulled back, the urge to see her face too strong, and she was panting, tugging at his shirt.

He was practically speaking into her mouth:

“You’re beautiful...”

“Shut up,” she gasped, and he could hear she was beside herself with it all, worse than he’d expected.

They got to his bedroom, settling back on his knees between her thighs to peel off his shirt, Darcy chasing his lips and tugging him down to lie on top of her.

Soon they were naked and kissing with tangled legs, until Steve hitched her leg further up, her ankle on his shoulder as he hovered above, noses brushing.

She looked like she could cry when he breached her, filling her with a few short thrusts, and he felt like his chest was in a vice from how tight and warm she was, his memories not doing her justice.

It reminded him of a song he heard before at the party. It was a man singing:

_I don't need to sell my soul_

_He's already in me_

_I want to be adored_

He was slow, with shallow thrusts at first, until Darcy whimpered again, broken and needy, and Steve gripped her tighter, slanting his mouth over hers in a smothering kiss, letting himself feel it all, letting that devious part of him that wanted her take over.

He pulled back, thrusting harder, deeper, watching her face as she began to tremble.

“You’re beautiful,” he said again, and she blinked up at him, sweat growing between them as their bodies moved together. “You’re beautiful…”

He couldn’t stay away from her anymore. Finally acknowledging it made the world swing off its axis, but he didn’t let the anxiety stop him, his hips picking up speed as Darcy began to moan long and loud, clamping down on him. She went still in his arms, sucking in air a moment later, her whole body slackening.

She gave a little sob and Steve ran a hand over her damp forehead, pushing her hair away from her face.

“Steve…”

“It’s okay,” he whispered, his voice wavering.

“No, it’s not,” she said, shaking her head, taking hold of his face with unsteady hands. “I can’t stop thinking about you – I want you, I just want you all the time, and I know you're lonely, _honey_ …”

She kissed him, their teeth clacking, and Steve stopped moving completely, lost in her kiss, her tears mingling with it, his chest aching.

She pushed up against him and he rolled onto his back, expecting her to straddle his hips, but instead she was slipping down the bed, between his legs, her head ducking down to wrap her lips around his cock, and Steve gasped, unable to stop himself –

“Darce,” he whispered, hips lifting of their own accord. “Sweetheart, come back…”

She felt so good, her cheeks hallowed as she sucked him down, all the way until her nose was brushing his belly and he groaned, grabbing her shoulders, tugging her up, tucking back inside her as his knees drew up.

“Harder,” she whispered, her hands like claws in his scalp, and he did as she asked, bucking up into her with sharp strokes, her body tightening around him.

“Oh, God –”

His hands were on her hip and deep in her hair, pulling her flush against his chest as he came with a grunt.

Darcy resurfaced, with a slow kiss to his lips, nuzzling him when she let him slip out of her, and he was tempted to drag her back, before he remembered she needed to clean up.

He closed his eyes for a second, passing a hand over his face as it occurred to him that in their rush he hadn’t worn a condom – a stupid, stupid move – but when Darcy returned to his side, she seemed to read his mind.

“I’ve got an implant, and I’m clean,” she whispered, kissing his nose. “I got tested every couple weeks, back when…”

“Right,” he murmured, rubbing her bare arm with his knuckles.

She gave his chest a little push, encouraging him to lay on his back, and she curled up next to him, her hand stroking his hair, but Steve wanted more, rolling to meet her, pressing his face into her bare chest and pulling in a deep breath.

“You okay?” she murmured, and he nodded. “Steve…”

He pulled back, and Darcy kissed him without closing her eyes, a hint of her tongue over his, and he felt a new flush of desire. He had more time now.

“Tell me what you want,” she said. “Because I’m telling you I want you –”

“I want you, too,” he murmured, lifting a thumb to brush her cheek. “I’ve never had this before, this is all new to me. I don’t know if I’m the right guy for you.”

She frowned, tugging him into a consuming kiss, his hands gripping curves as Darcy’s were deep in his hair.

-

The following morning, he woke with her latched to his side, his arm beneath her. He was pretty sure it had gone to sleep some time ago but he didn’t care, knowing she was still there, shifting to look him in the eye, their lips brushing.

“Stay right where you are,” she whispered, and he smiled into a kiss. She narrowed her eyes as if to threaten him. “I mean it, you stay right here with me –”

“Funny, I thought this was my place,” he retorted.

Her hand slipped down between them, wrapping around his shaft to stroke him.

“And?” she threw back.

“So I’m telling you, _you_ ain’t leaving this bed,” he whispered, capturing her in another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


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